Joke Page

Old Timers

Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park every day to feed
the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Wally
didn't show up, Max didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold
or some such.

But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really got worried.
However, the only time they ever got together anymore (they used to play a
lot of golf together) was at the park, and Max couldn't remember where
Wally lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his heavenly reward,
but one day Max approached the park and, lo and behold, there sat Wally!

Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so! Then he said,
"For crying out loud Wally, what happened to you???"

Wally replied, "I have been in jail.

"Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???"

"Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"

Yeah" said Max, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even, she charged me
with rape. I was so proud of what everyone would think an old fart like me
could still do, that when I got into court, I pled 'Guilty'. The judge then

took a good look at me and gave me 30 days for perjury."

TWENTY DOLLARS

On their wedding night, the young bride
approached her new
husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
lovemaking encounter. In
his highly aroused state, her husband readily
agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made
love, for more
than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
cute way for her to
afford new clothes and other incidentals that
she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was
surprised to find
her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
his employer
was going through a process of corporate
downsizing, and he had
been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he'd be able to find
another position that paid anywhere near what
he'd been earning, and
therefore, they
were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
showed more than thirty
years of steady deposits and interest totaling
nearly$1 million. Then she
showed him certificates of deposits issued
by the bank which were worth over $2 million,
and informed him that they
were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that
for the more than
three decades she had "charged" him for sex,
these holdings had multiplied
and these were the
results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
worth over $3
million, her husband was so astounded he could
barely speak, but
finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If
I'd had any idea what you
were doing, I would have given you all my
business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
to keep their mouths shut.